Work's getting me down

I'm beginning to hate having to go to work, if you've read my previous entries you may remember they've changed all our targets at work. Where as I was always achieving a 5 every day I am now only achieving a 1. It's not like I'm slacking off either, the other day I came home & was so mentally exhausted that I had no energy to do anything. I hate being like this because I have always taken pride in doing a good job & know I am still doing the same as I was before but now there's nothing to show for it.

Oh well enough moaning. Been trying to think of my top ten songs ( check out bobandkate's blog http://journals.aol.co.uk/bobandkate/AnAnalysisofLife/entries/2006/09/07/top-ten-favourite-songs/1370 ). Very difficult but here goes....

 

1. You can't put your arms around a memory - Johnny Thunders

2. Tragedy - Hanoi Rocks

3. Wild side - Motley Crue

4. Detroit rock city - Kiss

5. Streets of Philadelphia - Bruce Springsteen

6. Belfast Child - Simple Minds

7. Something to believe in - Poison

8. Ballad of Jayne - LA Guns

9. Iris - Go Goo Dolls

10. Princes of the universe - Queen

 

They aren't in any particular order because that would just be way too hard. Obviously there are lots of other songs I love but I think these are the ones that have always been constants, some of them have special meanings to me but others are just killer tracks. I never realised it would be so difficult to choose 10 songs. Even just sorting out this list has brought back many memories, a few of my friends are more than 10 years younger than me & are always makingfun of my music tastes & calling me an old man - but I wouldn't swap my memories for anything in the world.  No doubt L'il Vamp will one day call me an old fossil & tell me how old fashioned my music is, I know I was the same with my parents. I guess what goes around comes around, as a kid I used to listen to my dad playing 'build me up buttercup' & now thanks to the film 'there's something about mary' it is a popular tune again. Great songs never go out of style they just become elevator music!!!

Anyway enough of my ramblings, I have to shave my head, have a shower, do the washing up & put the washing on...I tell you, women use the pregnancy excuse to get out of doing everything.

Take care all & don't forget to come back soon..... Vamp x 

 

Disbelief

Nic phoned me just as I got to work this morning to tell me about Steve Irwin, at first I thought someone at work was winding her up. But as you are all probably aware by now it was no joke. I remember well the day Diana died but as I have never really had any time for the royal family it didn't mean that much but today.....it still doesn't seem real. One of my friends at work spent some time travelling around Australia & New Zealand, she went to Steve's zoo hoping to see him but unfortunately he wasn't there that day. She, like Nic & myself & thousand of others across the world have a great sense of loss. I have always loved animals & I loved the way Steve & his team made learning & caring about creatures fun & exciting. I think Steve can be proud that he has helped to encourage millions of children ( & adults ) to respect all animals.

My thoughts at this time are with his friends & family, he was a great man & will leave a void that will be difficult to fill.

 

Thursday

I'm not in a very good mood today, Nic's cough has been keeping both of us awake so I am very tired, & a tired me is an irritable me.

Makes it worse being on late shifts this week, I don't like late shifts. Today was very busy at work, we had a 3 hour team meeting & because of this I had loads of files to clear. Needless to say the files didn't all get worked. Normally I will push to do as many as I can, we have set amounts of files to clear to get certain PR scores - these count towards our overall PR score that goes towards deciding what kind of pay rise we get. Over the last few months I have been consistently getting 5's every day ( rating is 1 - 5, 1 being lowest ), now they have decided that as most of us are getting 5's every day they should increase the amount we have to clear to qualify for better scores. Nothing unusual about that you say, most companies rasie the bar to push the staff....our bar has been raised so high that should I keep clearing at the same rate I have been i will get a 1....yes that's right, a 1, the lowest grade of all. Where is the justification in that? I feel so demoralised now that I have no inclination to push myself any more. One of the women I work with even accused those of us that get 5's of being the cause of the increased levels - needless to say she is one of the slackers who only gets a 3 at best.

Anyway enough of my moaning, on a more positive note I have finally finished Black House which means I have started 'The Hard Way ' by Lee Child. So far it is a brilliant book, just like all his others. Only problem is I will quickly finish this book as I can't put it down the n I will have to wait until next year for his next book. Still at least I have loads of other books to read.

I may have mentioned that we thought Nic's aunt was going to be quite excited about the baby, the due date is 22nd feb, her aunts birthday is 21st feb. Every time we see her she's always asking us when we're gonna have kids so we were expecting a favourable response - wrong! Nic called her yesterday & the response was ' well I don't know wether to be happy for you or disappointed in you' ...well thanks a fu**ing lot. Nic was really unhappy after speaking to her, normally at xmas we all go to Nic's parents for xmas day but at this time we both feel like giving it a miss this year & having a quiet xmas at home. If they can't be happy for us then they don't deserve to share in our happiness.

Right gotta go cos still need to have a shower. Take care & come back soon... Vamp x 

Another rainy bank holiday

Hello again. Well here wwe are on yet another rainy bank holiday monday ( for those of you who don't live in england, it's not considered a proper bank holiday unless it rains, used to have to have a James Bond film on tv as well but thats disappeared over the last few years ). I have spent half the day in bed, makes a change as normally I'm up early as I can't sleep. Nic apparently spent most of the night downstairs on the sofa, blessher she's got a terrible cough at the moment & she's not sleeping too well, makes a change for me to be so fast asleep that I didn't know she'd gone until I woke up mid morning.

As usual on bank holidays nothing much was happening, had to do my ironing cos I was too lazy yesterday then spent the afternoon watching Spartacus - one of the best films ever made. Nic won't watch it as its 'too boring' so I took the opportunity while she was catching up on her lost sleep. The whole weekend's been a bit lazy to be honest. I went into town on saturday early so I could go to the post office before settling in front of the tv to watch the qualitying for the turkish grand prix, while in town I went to co op as they have a sale on & I need a new bed, the sale finishes today so I had to get Nic to go town yesterday before the race was on ( if I'd bought the bed without her seeing it I would have been in trouble for getting the wrong one ). Typically when she saw the bed she didn't like it so will have to keep looking for now. As you go upstairs in the co op they have all the baby stuff so we were looking at the cots - this baby's gonna cost me a fortune, thank god it's not going to be twins ( Phoenix you could not believe the relief when the nurse said ' just the one in there' )!!

The race this weekend was very exciting, even though Alonso has increased his lead over Schumi we still have a chance to win & it was nice to have Massa win his first race, he thoroughly deserved it as he has been fastest all weekend. I still don't know wether Schumi is going to retire at the end of the season, Ferrari are set to announce next years line up at Monza in 2 weeks & although we are close with only 4 races to go I don't know if Schumi will retire or wether he will want to stay & try to win next year...only time will tell.

Well as I said its been a bit quiet this weekend so I've got nothing more to tell you. I may not get the chance to add another entry until next weekend as I am on lates all week so may not have the pc on as I get home later than usual.

Until next time take care & wathc out for the puddles... Vamp x

First antenatal & a surprise

6.25am I was up today, had to be at work by 7.30 & once again the milk was off so no morning cuppa until I got to work....was this going to be another one of those days?

Once at work I was working through my files & suddenly I was getting more assigned, went to see the team leader who was assigning them & guess what?, thats right, my team leader had not told her I was only in for a couple of hours. Mind you once my t/leader was in she removed the files so I managed to clear all my assigned files just as I got the text from Nic to say she was on her way with her dad to pick me up.

We got to the hospital really early so I had time for more coffee!! When we got called in which I am pleased to say was only just after the appointment time, Nic was asked if she'd had her scan yet. As the scan is due next thursday we were told she could get it done today, this was great for 2 reasons, firstly it means we haven't got to trek all the way across the other side of coventry next week & also because it means we got to have the first look at our baby. As we weren't expecting the ultrasound today Nic was told she had to wait half an hour while she drank loads to fill her bladder up so the scan could be done right. Once we did get the scan done it was amazing, I'm not one to go all gushy even though this is first time we had seen the baby. It was amazing to see his/her heart beating so clearly on the screen, Nic keeps saying its going to be a boy because the head is huge - I told her its because men have bigger & better brains than women!! I must admit to being a bt nervous because the nurse said the baby was lying awkwardly so she could not get a very clear picture, but before I had chance to ask if this was a problem she told us the baby's quite happy & comfortable, sounds like it's just like its mum, always moving into awkward positions ( trust me I am not kidding, how I get any sleep is beyond me ). The hospital charges £5.00 for ultrasound photo's, neither of us had the money today because we didn't expect to be having the scan so we will have to wait and collect it when we go for the 20 week scan on 12th october. Once we have the photo I will be scanning it to send to my sister so I will put it on my journal so you can all meet l'il Vamp. I thought it was going to be like Friends where rachel gets the scan but can't see the baby, but it was so clear, definitely one of the best days of my life. This was the highlight of the day, after the scan we had to go back & wait to be seen in the clinic. The nurse we saw insisted on mumbling with her back to us & really didn't make a good impression at all. Nic was having a coughing fit while the nurse was trying to take her blood pressure, instead of waiting until the coughing had stopped she just kept trying to carry on. Nic wasn't impressed with the doctor either as she was a bit posh, she's got to go back to see her in november, not sure yet wether I will go. I do want to go with her as much as possible but it makes it difficult having to make up the time at work because I definitely can't afford to lose the money for the time I take off.

So the scan's done, I've cancelled my half day holiday next week as we don't have to go back until october when we're both off anyway. Originally the midwife gave us a due date of 20th march but Nic got her dates wrong when giving the midwife all her info so we now know the due date is 22nd feb - a whole month earlier. Nic is looking forward to telling her aunt as she's always going on about us having kids ( even though she doesn't want any herself ) & her birthday is 21st feb so no doubt she will be hoping l'il Vamp puts in an appearance a day early. If it arrives 8 days early it'll be the best valentines gift ever but late or early I can't wait.

I have just spoken to my sister who is eagerly looking forward to getting the photo, I sometimes think she is more excited than us. She's asked me if I will speak to my dad, long story but we have never really enjoyed a good relationship & following a conversation about 4 years ago when he said something completely unfair & very offensive I have not had any contact with him. Recently my dad was visiting my sister, this was not long after we visited her, & every time my nephews were talking about me she was on edge in case they mentioned the baby to him. I have assured her that although I have no intention of speaking to him she doesn't have to lie if the subject comes up. At the end of the day it is his loss, he hardly makes the effort to visit my sister & her family so I guess he won't be too bothered about mine either.

Right well I guess i've blathered on long enough, time for another cup of coffee. I will no doubt be adding entries over the weekend as after a 3 week break the formula 1 resumes this weekend & things are getting very close in the battle for both championships now. I apologise if you have no interest in F1 but it is a huge part of my life & as this is my journal I will continue to jabber on about it!!

 

Take care & I hope you all have a fantastic ( & hopefully dry but don't hold your breathe ) bank holiday weekend.... Vamp x

 

First ante-natal tomorrow

Okay so once again I have been found guilty of not adding enough entries, to be honest work has been a bitch this week and I haven't felt like sitting in front of a pc once I got home.

Obviously the biggest news is that we have the first visit to the ante natal class tomorrow, not too sure what to expect. Part of the reason works been so tough is because I've been doing extra hours to make up for the time I will miss tomorrow - only 2 hours in work in the morning, happy days!

I guess a lot of ignorant people like me have visions of ante natal classes being full of pregnant women practising breathing techniques & shouting at the nervous/useless dads to be, its all we ever see of these classes on tv ( or is it because us blokes mentally tune out or go down the pub when anything like that's on? ). Maybe that is exactly what it will be like, if so I'm outta there faster than you can say contraception. All joking aside I have absolutely no idea what tomorrow is going to entail but I will no doubt tell you all about it when I get back, unless of course I am too scarred by the ordeal.

The other big news this week is that Prison break is back on tv....but only in america. There's a great site that you can watch it on though & believe me the first episode of the 2nd season is fantastic. For anyone that doesn't know this show ( where have you been? ), a guy gets himself arrested & locked up after his brother is convicted of killing the vice presidents brother. His intention is to break his brother out of jail before he is executed, along the way he enlists the help of some inmates that are incarcerated for a variety of crimes. The first season ended with one of the best cliff hangers ever seen on tv. Do yourselves a favour & watch the reruns of season 1 which they will inevitably show before we get the new series next year.

Anyway I had better stop there cos gotta get up nice and early for work tomorrow. I'll be back later tomorrow to let you know how it went. Goodnight... Vamp x

So much to do, so little time.

Okay so firstly I would like to apologise, I have not been adding entries as regularly as I would like. It just seems that there's always something to do at the moment.

So to catch up on the week:

Tuesday; back to work, they're thinking of changing the way we do my particular job so I was part of the guinea pig team this week trialling 'the new way'!! Personally i think it makes less sense than the way I am used to & from what I can gather quite a few people feel the same. I am all for change but not if its detrimental to productivity & morale, but what do I know i'm only the idiot doing the job. It was nice to get back to work & see my friends though, even though I would have preferred to stay home & catch up on even more reading.

Wednesday; Nic had a letter from the hospital, she's got her first ante-natal class this coming friday. All of a sudden the baby seems to be real again, lately it has seemed almost like it didn't exist, ( don't know what I expected but all has seemed far too normal ). Had to ask my boss what my rights are as far as taking time off because there is no more holiday allocation available until october, luckily I get to take the time off & don't even have to make the time up. I will be making the time up though because I just can't afford to lose a days pay. To be honest I am in 2 minds about the class, part of me wants to be a good dad/partner & go along gving Nic all the support I can, but another part of me would rather not go. I'm not keen on going into hospitals, even when my mum's been in & out so often I cannot bring myself to go to the hospital. I have had some bad experiences in hospitals when I was younger but I don't think it's anything to do with it, I just don't like hospitals.

Thursday; made my mind up that I would go so had to take the appointment letter in to my boss. Have told him I will be making the time up & he's great about it, lets me work the hours I like to make it up. I've worked other places where I have been told when to make up the time but its pretty easy where I am now. Had to call my friend who works nearby for a lift home tonight, it was throwing it down like you would not believe.

Friday; raining so hard in the morning I had to get up early, no way could I sleep with all the noise the rain was making. I looked out my window to see just how bad it was & there was a paddle steamer floating down my street!! My cats were enjoying it, they were hanging out the windows hooking fish as they swam by. I guess the british summer really is over now, & the best of it is that the water companies will still say we don't have enough water. Nobody seemed to be able to get motivated at work, we all just milled about doing what we had to do but not striving to do as much as possible which to be honest a lot of us usually do ( I know it sounds like we're all creeps, we're not its just we feel more motivated when we know we have done a good job & cleared loads of files ). When the heavens opened again in the afternoon it was chaos outside. We were all watching from our nice warm office as the level of water steadily rose until you could see car headlights partially submerged. The police closed the main road off iutside our office in one direction as the water was so bad. We had a leak in the office, we're on the top floor & water was coming through in places - best friday afternoon for ages. Luckily it had stopped before I went home so I was able to walk home without wading through floods, it was also warm enough not have to wear a jacket which was even better.

Today Nic had to work, not often she does saturdays. I was up early as well so I could go to town & get birthday cards for my nephew & bro-in-law, had to get back early as Nic's parents were taking us to tesco. They are really good & take us every other month so we can do a big shop & get all the cat litter & cat food. Without a car it would always be internet shopping for us so we are very lucky they will help us out so often. Spent all afternoon cleaning the kitchen while Nic had a nap ( she had to get up at 5am ), & now as I sit here the rain has started again, better get used to it I suppose as no doubt we will be having lots more of it. I personally don't mind the rain, its quite nice to walk through the rain, very refreshing.

Anyway so that was my week, I promise I will try harder to update my entries more regularly. Next week as I mentioned will be the first ante-natal class & then the week after we have the first scan so lots to look forward to ( I think!! ). I hope you all have a great weekend, take care... Vamp x