The first week

My girlfriend came home last thursday with a pregnancy test kit & told me to have a look....it was positive. At first I kind of ignored it thinking it was a joke & that she'd borrowed it from someone at work ( as they all seem to be squeezing them out! ). The next night we talked about it & I realised it was true, she had been to the doctor's & we would get the results on tuesday.

The weekend was a bit weird as neither of us seemed to know what to say to each other, it was even stranger going to her parents for a bbq on fathers day & not saying anything as at this point we still weren't sure wether it was going to be positive or not.

 

It is now friday night & I've been living with the fact that I'm going to be a dad since tuesday. My girlfriend text'd me on tuesday at work, it just said ' hello daddy, love u '. I was numb, my best friend at work was really happy for me but I didn't know what to think, all my life I had done what I wanted, when I wanted & now I was going to be responsible for another life. There really is no way to describe it properly until you've been through it. All afternoon I could barely concentrate on my work, one minute happy, the next scared to death. How was I supposed to know how to react, I'd never been here before & my friends either had kids when I met them or hadn't had kids so I really had no reference point to work from.

By wednesday morning I had sort of taken it in ( although even now I still don't know how to deal with this ), my friend at work said I seemed a lot happier than tuesday ( underwear had been changed by then!! ). I am happy about becoming a dad but so scared, it's not just the relationship between father & child to worry about....all of a sudden I started thinking how her parents were going to react, what my mum & sister would say, & probably the biggest thing was thinking about my relationship between my girlfriend & me...was this the right person to have a family with, would we be able to cope with each other over the next 9 months & is she thinking the same.

We decided to keep it quiet for the first 3 months but this is huge news so I had to email my best friend ( he still hasn't replied, maybe the shock has killed him ) & tell a handful of other people I can trust to keep it quiet. But of course i had not taken into account the fact that women cannot keep gossip to themselves, even if it's about them, my girlfriend has told virtually all her friends then had the cheek to tell me off for telling 3 friends & my team leader at work ( after all, I thought he should know as my work this week was suffering from the lack of concentration ). Tomorrow is the big test - telling her parents, I am absolutely terrified of this, they're nice people but i've got their daughter pregnant..please pray for me.

I said we should put off telling my mum as we live miles away, we'll tell my sister in a couple of weeks when we visit & watch as she flies across the room to phone my mum!!!

Overall I guess I am happy but with a million questions. I have never had my own blog before, in fact I have never kept a diary so this may be short lived but thought I need something to record my thoughts & feelings over the next 9 months.

That's it for tonight, I'm off to have a drink because I think I deserve one.