The light at the end of the tunnel getting brighter

Finally have time to update my journal. Since i was last here we have had a few parties to go to, lots of work & some good news.

Last saturday my friend from work got married & we went to the evening party, as all brides should she looked fantastic & happier than I think I have ever seen her. Unfortunately we couldn't stay too long because it was also Nic's mums 50th party. Yet again Jack was passed around everybody, we had some fireworks which he loved watching. Nic went out with her friend after the party so I brought Jack home & he went straight to sleep.

Jack's been really good the last couple of weekends, he generally sleeps for 6 or 7 hours before waking for another feed, friday night he went to sleep about 9.30pm & didn't wake until 5.15am. I am well impressed with his sleeping ability, during the day mind you he has been a bit of a screamy little bugger! Nic took him to the clinic on tuesday & he weighed 12lbs 2 ounces, what a little porker. On friday he had the first 2 immunisations & apparently apart from a scream when he was first stuck with the needle he was really good.

Yesterday my mum came over to see us, she spent the whole time looking after Jack & it was great to see him spenidng time with his other nanny. It's not too far for me to drive to loughborough and see my mum but I obviously have other things to do like housework & shopping so I can't go over every week & Jack see's Nic's parents nearly every week so i will try to let him see my mum whenever we can. I hadn't gone to see her before now because Nic won't go on the train, she says it's too much hassle with Jack because of everything we have to take. But this week I had my car sorted, it failed the MOT so I had to have a bit of work done to get it through, now though its all done.

Talking of my car the good news I had this week is that I should finally be getting a cheque for damages following on from my accident back in 2003 ( you may remember my entry last year when I finally had my day in court ). It's only taken about 4 years!! I have an appointment next saturday with a financial advisor at my bank, I want the money invested in the best possible way as this will form a very large chunk of capital to help us move to Spain. We have been spending more time looking at our options as we can see our dream becoming reality in the near future. It may still take a few years to find somehting we can afford & that suits our requirements but at least we can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. Nic's parents are off to Mallorca next month & they have said they are going to seriously look at properties while they are there because they too want a better life away from england. If they find somewhere we have the added possibility of staying with them so we are nearer to mainland spain & that will make it easier to find permanent jobs & a decent home. Everytime I think about it I hate having to keep living here until we get something sorted but we are going to do this properly so no going out no holiday & getting bar jobs as we obviously need to be able to provide for Jack as well as ourselves so we need decent jobs & a decent, child friendly place to live.

Thats enough for now, i'm off to have a shave & shower before 24 comes on, stay safe....VampJack x  

Time to myself

Good evening everyone, once again I have been sooo busy I have not had chance to update my journal. So here goes to try & remember what has happened since my last entry.

Last week I was on the early shift at work & really busy, couple that with getting home & having to look after little Jack means I got nothing done last week! Nic has been getting a bit frustrated & irritated being stuck looking after Jack every day while I'm out at work, she sometimes talks at me ( yes, at me not to me )like she thinks I go to work & relax all day. I know she doesn't mean this & that it's only the frustration coming through but it has caused a bit of a frosty atmosphere some nights. I do what I can to help looking after Jack but I can't get home from work, take Jack off her hands straight away & then get up during the night as well when I have work. This week has been better because I have been on lates so I have been able to help more at nights with not having to get up too early for work. 

I worked last friday even though it was Good Friday because we cover Ireland as well & most of our irish customers were open, I took tuesday off this week as my day in lieu so only had to work 3 days this week. My mum was due to come over this tuesday but the bus company were still running a saturday service which means no buses from loughborough to coventry - despite her checking the week before & being assured the buses were running normal service. It is this kind of sloppy customer service that drives me mad these days, no one seems to have any pride in what they do. So mum didn't make it over to see Jack, no doubt she will manage to get over in the next coupla weeks. Monday we went to a friends bbq, poor Jack must've felt like he was the parcel in a game of pass the parcel, we ended up leaving early because he was getting irritable. That's one of the bonuses with having a baby, perfect excuse to leave early!! Tonight Nic is at a friends house warming party, Jack is with her...you've guessed it, to give her an excuse to leave early if she wants.

Tomorrow night will be the same, we have my friends wedding reception & then we have to go to Nic's mums birthday party & once again Jack will be passed around like a bowl of nibbles. It's a shame I will have to leave my friends wedding reception early but at least with Jack we have an excuse to leave the birthday party early. I love her parents but I'm not a big family party type of person.

Nic took Jack to the doctors today, the last couple of days he has had a rash on the side of his face & he has been screaming his head off like he's in pain. The doctor thinks it may be an allergy but says most likely to be a milk rash, we have to see how he goes for the next few days. I hate it when he screams & I can't do anything to comfort him, it makes me feel so helpless. He has been really cute this week though, he keeps giggling & then letting out a full laugh. it's so funny to watch him, I could sit & watch for hours if I didn't have to go to work. Mind you, not all the changes are good, he keeps farting every time we pick him up & they can be really loud & smelly. He seems to save them for when we are feeding him, no sooner do we put a hand under him to support him while he's feeding & he lets rip.

I have finally joined everyone else in getting a myspace page this week , it is bizarre, random people keep asking to join my friends list. It's a good way of getting in touch with old friends though so if anyone out there hasn't signed up yet I would recommend it.

I haven't shared any book recommendations with you for a while so here is my latest tip - Lee Child's ' Bad Luck & Trouble'. I have read all his books & can't get enough, they are gripping thrillers with plenty of action & excitement. I am now reading Peter Kerr's 'From Paella to Porridge', if you are familiar with his other books on life in Mallorca you will know what to expect, if not it's well worth a look. A few years ago Peter & his family left Scotland for a new life in Mallorca, his previous books tell the stories of his new life, this latest book see's him moving back to Scotland & seeing the country with a fresh perspective. The last book tip to share is John Grisham's 'The Innocent Man', a departure from his novels this is a non fiction book about a man wrongly convicted of murder & sentenced to death. This book will make you question the use of the death penalty & the trust we place in law enforcement.

Lastly before I go I have to mention the new formula one season, so far kimi Raikkonen has won the first race for Ferrari & Alonso won the second for McLaren ( in a race that really Ferrari should have won but they failed, lets hope they have learnt a valuable lesson & don't screw up this weekend ). So 2 races in & its 1 race each for the 2 drivers that should be challenging for this years title, Ferrari are looking good again this weekend but you can never discount Alonso. Lewis Hamilton is doing really well but I am already tired of ITV's blatant bias towards him, I have watched Lewis since he was in karts at 8 years old & although he is fantastic & a great bet for the championship in the near future ITV really should stop mentioning him every 2 seconds. There is talk of a night race in the not too distant future, should be interesting seeing as how F1 cars don't have lights. Mind you as a colleague at work said today, we have had some pretty miserable weather for the silverstone races in past years where they managed without lights when we would have used our headlights on the road in similar conditions.

Right thats it for now, I'm off to enjoy a well deserved JD & coke before my babysitting role starts again....take care all & have a fantastic weekend.

VampJack x

Another week & a little time to reflect ( completed after aol shutdown )

( just managed to save the first part of this entry before aol decided to log me off for a while....so here is the finished entry I had planned )

Another monday, another week of work ahead. This week I am on the early shift & for once getting up at ridiculous o clock is not a problem, Jack has seen to it that I get plenty of practice.

As any regular reader will know my entries have been few & far between recently, with having to look after Jack, do the housework & going to work I have hardly had any time for myself. This weekend was a little different, we still had lots to do but I managed to snatch a few  moments here & there of 'me time'.  There are those of you who have been reading this journal for months now so are well aware of the multitude of emotions I have experienced & this weekend I finally had time to reflect on the last year - I say the last year because when thinking how much my life has changed & what I have been through I had to reflect on what my life used to be like before Nic got pregnant.

I have been scared, happy, scared, worried, elated, nervous & so much more. When Nic first told me we were going to have a baby I didn't know what to think, all of a sudden with one sentence my world as I knew it was over, but  a whole new exciting world had begun. There were times when I wasn't sure I could be a dad & times I thought I'd be the best dad in the world, but in the end all I can do is try to be the best dad I can. The 9 months sometimes seemed as though it would fly by but then once things settled down it really dragged & I was beginning to wonder if I would ever meet my son. Living with Nic was not always easy & I guess she probably feels the same about me, nothing makes you analyze your relationship more than the news of impending parenthood. At the end of the day we made it & are still together & we have a gorgeous little boy that has made us so happy.

The birth itself was strangely uneventful, we've all seen the births on tv where the woman threatens excrutiating pain to the man for making her go through the pain of childbirth & so I was expecting fireworks ( Nic is a very fiery person the same as me ) but I spent most of the day wishing Jack would hurry up so I could go home to bed!! Maybe it was the numerous amounts of pain relieving drugs they gave Nic but she was quite quiet. When I saw Jack for the very first time I didn't cry but I have never experienced such powerful emotions as at that moment, here was a life that I had helped create & that I would be responsible for during the next 16 years ( at least ). I had always described babies as little bags of s&*t ( & trust me they are a lot of the time ) but Jack was & still is the most amazing little child I have ever seen, every little expession he has is priceless. We have pretty much turned into baby paparazzi taking so many pictures of this wonderful little creature that has stopped us getting any meaningful sleep & has puked, peed & pooed all over the place.

I have always believed in the power of continuously learning throughout life & the amount I have learnt over the last 5 & a half weeks ( yes he is that old already ) is quite simply shocking. We have learnt that midwives & health visitors don't always know best, Jack has let us know in his own way what he wants, how much of it & when despite being told we mustn't change his feed amounts & strengths. yes there are still times when Jack cries & we feed him, change him, play with him, cuddle him & still he cries, but what the hell, he is only a baby & is still trying to figure out what he needs himself. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't got to the point more than once when he's woken up god knows how many times & cried for a feed then refused to go back to sleep but this is all part of the parenthood experience. I am not always a patient person so I get wound up, but then I look at my son & think how enriched my life has become. The worst times are when I want to read as I can sit for hours reading but when Jack wants something I can't tell him to wait until I finish the chapter, I look forward to teaching him how to read & I hope he gets as much enjoyment from reading as I do. But if he ends up being a tv addict who hates reading then I have to accept it. When Nic was pregnant we talked about what we would like our son to do when he gows, Nic said he should be a beach bum & I said he should be a formula one driver ( & look after his old man with his millions!! ), after joking about it for a few minutes I said to Jack ( at this point still only a bump )that my only expectations were that I would love him no matter what - I still stand by this even though I know I will have many frustrations along the way.

One of the things that Nic & I have both found amusing is the many comments in books & magazines that 'up until baby is 6 weeks old he cannot smile, it is just wind when you think he is smiling'......what a load of crap! Jack has been smiling since his first week, okay he may not know why he's smiling but how the hell do the so called experts know it's just wind, have they asked the babies? I love watching Jack smile, I don't think I will ever grow tired of watching his gummy grins. Recently he has started to laugh as well, it's not yet a full laugh but he has little giggles. He loves when we play qwith his legs when he's lying down, he also loves having bath's ( it'll be bathtime tonight ). Both Nic & I love the water, we both learnt to swim at an early age & cannot wait to start taking Jack swimming. The swimming pools around here won't allow any babies under 6 months old so we have a while to wait, but we do have our paddling pool for the back garden in the summer which is going to be great.

One of the biggest fears I had before he was born was changing nappies, I'm not squeamish but the thought of the 'korma poo' ( sorry if I put you off your takeaway curry but let's be honest here, baby poo does have a remarkable similarity to chicken korma )just made me want to emigrate, the reality is though that its not that bad. obviously there are loads of things I'd rather do than change a dirty nappy but then again given the choice of being forced to watch big brother or changing nappies i know which I'd choose - & it certainly isn't watching the pathetic excuse for entertainment called big brother. You do have to be careful though, once you have a baby you may miss loads of important appointments because you are just too busy watching them sleep! The facial expressions are wonderful, its so funny watching them smile whilst sleeping, what do they dream about? Lets face it their world consists of mummy, daddy, milk & cuddles so what do they dream about?

I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter what happens, no matter how many times you doubt yourself having a child is the greatest feeling ever. You may begin to wonder if you'll ever have a full nights sleep again, you may never want to eat chicken korma again & you may well decide to invest your money buying shares in baby formula companies & washing powder companies ( seriously, how many bloody times do I need to put the washing machine on? ) but the minute your baby looks up at you & smiles you will know it's all worthwhile.

Thank you again to everyone who has emailed me or left comments, believe me every single one is appreciated. I hope you enjoy the new photo's ( Kathy - take a look at the blanket Jack's wrapped up in!! )....VampJack x

Another week & a little time to reflect

Another monday, another week of work ahead. This week I am on the early shift & for once getting up at ridiculous o clock is not a problem, Jack has seen to it that I get plenty of practice.

As any regular reader will know my entries have been few & far between recently, with having to look after Jack, do the housework & going to work I have hardly had any time for myself. This weekend was a little different, we still had lots to do but I managed to snatch a few  moments here & there of 'me time'.  There are those of you who have been reading this journal for months now so are well aware of the multitude of emotions I have experienced & this weekend I finally had time to reflect on the last year - I say the last year because when thinking how much my life has changed & what I have been through I had to reflect on what my life used to be like before Nic got pregnant.

I have been scared, happy, scared, worried, elated, nervous & so much more. When Nic first told me we were going to have a baby I didn't know what to think, all of a sudden with one sentence my world as I knew it was over, but  a whole new exciting world had begun. There were times when I wasn't sure I could be a dad & times I thought I'd be the best dad in the world, but in the end all I can do is try to be the best dad I can. The 9 months sometimes seemed as though it would fly by but then once things settled down it really dragged & I was beginning to wonder if I would ever meet my son. Living with Nic was not always easy & I guess she probably feels the same about me, nothing makes you analyze your relationship more than the news of impending parenthood. At the end of the day we made it & are still together & we have a gorgeous little boy that has made us so happy.

The birth itself was strangely uneventful, we've all seen the births on tv where the woman threatens excrutiating pain to the man for making her go through the pain of childbirth & so I was expecting fireworks ( Nic is a very fiery person the same as me ) but I spent most of the day wishing Jack would hurry up so I could go home to bed!! Maybe it was the numerous amounts of pain relieving drugs they gave Nic but she was quite quiet. When I saw Jack for the very first time I didn't cry but I have never experienced such powerful emotions as at that moment, here was a life that Ihad helped create & that I would be responsible for during the next 16 years ( at least ). I had always describer babies as little bags of s&*t ( & trust me they are a lot of the time ) but Jack was & still is the most amazing little child I have ever seen, every little expession he has is priceless. We have pretty much turned into baby paparazzi taking so many pictures of this wonderful little creature that has stopped us getting any meaningful sleep & has puked, peed & pooed all over the place.

I have always believed in the power of continuously learning throughout life & the amount I have learnt over the last 5 & a half weeks ( yes he is that old already ) is quite simply shocking.